Guilt
by ninjaboicm
Summary: What happened that night that Reid was found and Tobias Hankel died. JJ is suffering with Guilt, Emily gives her comfort. Emily/ JJ Femslash.
1. Chapter 1

**Guilt**

_What happened that night that Reid was found and Tobias Hinkel died. JJ is suffering with Guilt, Emily gives her comfort. Emily/ JJ Femslash._

Back at the hotel Jennifer Jareau stood under the hot water of the shower and tried to wash away her anguish. Today had been her own personal hell, and at the same time she was relieved. Spencer Reid was safe, although not totally unscathed. JJ still kept feeling the deep pangs of guilt, what ifs coursing through her mind, driving her to the brink of insanity. She turned off the shower, took a deep breath, stepped out, dried herself with a towel and put on a white cotton robe. Then she stepped into her lonely hotel room and grabbed a small bottle of vodka from the mini fridge. She stood opening it and sank it down in one. She didn't even feel it, let alone taste it, she took another and did the same, JJ rarely drank like this and part of her knew she shouldn't be doing this now, but she needed something, something to help her get through the night. Then as the liquid sank into her pores and gave her just enough of a buzz to help her relax a little she heard a gentle knock at her hotel room door. Her eyebrows creased in frustration, she was also worried, what if something else had happened? Her heart began to thump in her chest as she reached out and opened the door.

"Emily." JJ let out a breath she had been holding, "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," Emily reassured her, "I just wanted to see if you were okay?"

JJ nervously smiled, "You didn't need to."

"I wanted to." Emily replied honestly, the concern clouding her deep brown eyes.

"Do you want to come in?" JJ asked, realising that standing in the corridor of the hotel having a conversation wasn't the best idea.

Emily nodded and smiled and followed JJ into her room. The profiler watched as JJ walked over the the mini fridge and took out a small bottle of vodka, "Drink?" JJ asked as she turned to look at Emily across the room from her.

Emily shook her head, "I'm good thanks." Then she moved across the room towards JJ.

JJ sipped from the bottle this time, her head slightly buzzing from the first two bottles. Emily waited for Jennifer to speak. "I'm sorry about earlier." she finally said finishing off the drink and dumping the bottle in the trash can near her.

The brunette looked puzzled, "What for?"

"You know," JJ smiled nervously, "I didn't mean to imply you were unfeeling."

"Oh that," Emily nodded, "I didn't think you did." Emily stepped closer to Jennifer and took her hand in her own. She could see that the blonde agent was struggling and she could tell by the slightly glazed look in her eyes that this wasn't the first drink she had tonight, she could also tell that JJ had been crying. "It really wasn't your fault you know." she told JJ softly.

JJ looked down at their hands, fingers entwined, it felt remarkably comforting, she looked up to Emily's deep brown eyes, "I cant get the thoughts out of my head," her brow creased, Emily could see the anxiety written all over the younger woman's face. "I keep going over it in my head, which is completely pointless because what is done is done, I cant change that Reid was abducted, I cant take back his pain." Emily could see tears starting to form in Jennifer Jareau's eyes and it caused her heart to go out to her.

"Hey," Emily said softly rubbing JJs shoulder now with her free hand, "Its understandable, any one of us would be feeling the same. You have been through a lot too."

JJ looked at Emily with eyes so unsure, "I should have gone with Reid, I shouldn't have let him go alone." Tears started to fall and all Emily could think to do was show her new friend comfort, she pulled JJ close and held her, and that was when Jennifer began to sob uncontrollably.

After a moment they parted and Emily reached into her pocket for a clean hanky which she handed to JJ. The blonde took it gratefully and wiped her eyes with the rather expensive piece of cloth. Emily placed her hand to Jennifer's back and led her to the bed, JJ let herself be led and sat down with Emily sitting beside her, still with one arm rested around the blonde in comfort. "Better?" Emily asked with a slight smile on her lips.

JJ nodded, "Thanks."

Emily reached up with one hand and wiped a stray tear from the blonde face, "You missed one," she told JJ with that same smile, one that was now melting Jennifer Jareau's heart.

JJ smiled for the first time that evening and looked to Emily's eyes, all she could see there now was concern and she knew that the profiler wasn't has hard as people thought she was, the woman was definitely mysterious but in a good way. "So who is Emily Prentiss?" JJ suddenly enquired, wanting to get to know the profiler better.

Emily gave a small nervous laugh, she wasn't used to talking about herself, "Oh, Just an ordinary FBI agent and a bit of a nerd."

JJ laughed a little, "A nerd?"

"Yeah, but you don't want to hear about that." Emily mused, "Its not exactly my best point."

JJ smiled warmly now at the profiler, "I quite like nerds."

"You do?" Emily raised an eyebrow in surprise, "Nah, your just being kind." she smiled and JJ smiled with her. "Well at least I got you smiling." Emily added and squeezed JJ's hand.

"You did, and I am grateful." Jennifer replied honestly and then began to yawn. The day was catching up, the vodka too.

"Hey," Emily said concerned, "I should go, let you get your sleep."

JJ looked at Emily sheepishly, "Would you stay?"

Emily looked unsure, "Here?"

"Sorry," JJ replied hesitantly, "I am being silly."

"No," Emily replied immediately, "I'll just go get my bag, I'd be happy to keep you company. I do know how it feels to be alone after something like this." Emily stood to leave and JJ watched her with intrigue.

Jennifer Jareau felt like a weight had been lifted, how Emily had managed to achieve that she wasn't sure, but she was so glad that she wouldn't be sleeping alone tonight. She changed from her robe into her redskins t shirt and a pair of shorts for bed while Emily was gone. Then she slipped into the bed and lay on her side, waiting for Emily to join her. And for the first time in days she felt herself beginning to really relax both physically and mentally. And for once her thoughts had drifted from the madness of the past few days to an entirely difference subject, Agent Emily Prentiss. She couldn't deny her attraction to the brunette. She had tried hard to hide it and thought she had done a pretty good job so far. No one on the team knew that JJ was gay except for Spencer, she hadn't felt the need to tell anyone else, she liked to keep her private life exactly that, private. Although she was sure her best friend Penelope Garcia had her worked out, but even she didn't pry, knowing how JJ was. The only reason Reid found out was because he had asked her on a date once. One she had really enjoyed but felt it only right to let him know that she was only interested in the fairer sex, as they shared popcorn and watched the redskins from their very expensive seats, thanks to two tickets that Gideon had provided. Spencer had been a little surprised but promised her secret was safe with him and from that day forward their friendship had grown. No one else knew JJ quite as much as Spencer did and that was part of the reason she was still hurting so much from what had happened with Hinkel.

JJ was pulled from her thoughts as Emily entered the room, go bag in hand. Emily closed and locked the door behind her and placed her bag down. She walked over to the bed and sat down, looking at JJ. "Still awake then?"

JJ nodded and smiled, "I think its going to be a long night."

Emily pushed a stray strand of hair from Jennifer face without even thinking, it was a tender gesture and JJ felt it. "I'll just go get changed, be right back." Emily told the blonde as she stood. She paused when JJ called to her, "Emily."

"Yeah." JJ had her full attention and she wasn't quite sure what she had done to deserve it.

"You are just a big softy at heart aren't you!" JJ smiled. The vodka loosening her tongue more that usual.

Emily laughed, "Shhush dont tell anyone." Then she continued with her go bag into the bathroom to get changed.

JJ smiled to herself as she rested back down on the pillows, Emily Prentiss was making her head feel dizzy, or was it the alcohol... but no she hadn't had that much she reasoned. Now JJ couldn't stop thinking about that smile of hers, that laugh, just about everything about her was currently giving JJ goosebumps. "My god what did they put in that vodka?" JJ smiled to herself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews guys. Glad your liking this so far. It was only intended to be a short piece but I may make it longer if people want me too :)**

**Anyway, on with the story...**

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><p>Emily looked at her reflection in the bathroom mirror after cleaning her face with a towel. It had been a long day and night, she was exhausted if truth be known, but JJ needed her and she wanted to be there for her, she needed to be strong. Emily couldn't stifle the yawn that came upon her as she turned towards the door to the bedroom. She paused before opening it and entering, sure that she had finished yawning, not wanting to concern JJ with her own tiredness. The sight before her woke her up as she walked towards the bed, Jennifer Jareau smiling that heavenly smile in her direction from her sitting position in the bed. Such a contrast from the woman she had found here just twenty minutes ago. A woman fighting the demons that had followed her back to the hotel. Now Jennifer looked relaxed Emily noted before getting in bed beside her. Emily had a book in one hand which she placed on her lap as she settled against the pillows propped up behind her back. JJ watched her intently and then her eyes moved to the book on Emilys lap, "What you reading?" she asked turning to face the profiler.<p>

Emily looked down at her book, "Slaughterhouse-Five" she told the blonde, expecting the usual response she got when she mentioned anything written by _Kurt Vonnegut. Which was usually a very blank expression followed by "Who?"_

JJ didn't disappoint her, "I haven't heard of that one." the blonde knotted her eyebrows, "Who is it by?"

Emily chuckled to herself, "Never mind."

JJ put on her best confused pout lipped expression, "I haven't heard of them."

Emily couldn't help but laugh, JJ's expression alone was comical and somewhat alluring, " Kurt Vonnegut" she told JJ and then placed the book on the bedside table, "And I am not sure why I brought it to bed, my eyes are itching," she said as she proceeded in rubbing her very tired eyes..

JJ yawned and slipped down under the covers and spoke softly, "Thank you."

Emily looked down at JJ, "What for?"

"For being here with me, you didn't have to say yes." the blonde replied tugging the duvet to herself.

"I would have felt bad if I had left you alone tonight Jay, you need me and besides, I get to cozy up with a beautiful blonde for the night." Emily smirked and then realised what she had said. Luckily JJ saw the comment as harmless flirting and flirted back, "Oh really!" and winked up at Emily. Prentiss felt the butterflies in her stomach just take flight. She felt now was probably a good time to change the subject, "So tell me, what nerdy things are you into?"

JJ smirked, "Football, I love American Football."

"That's not nerdy, that pretty normal." Emily told her.

"Not when you are as passionate about the Redskins as I am." JJ chuckled.

"I've never been to a game." Emily revealed much to JJ's amazement.

"Wow, I should take you sometime." JJ replied, "You don't know what your missing."

"Oh I think I have a pretty good idea" Emily began to reply and then frowned, "Lots of big sweaty men with a weird shaped ball, bashing into each other." she shuddered at the thought.

JJ laughed, "It's so much more than that."

A comfortable silence then fell between them and they both yawned together, then looked at each other and frowned with recognition at how tired they both were. Emily was still looking at JJ, there eyes locked for a moment, a moment which Emily needed to break before she lost her mind. Her heart was racing as her eyes then lingered on the blondes soft lips.

"You should try to sleep, you must be exhausted." Emily finally spoke, breaking the spell they had both been under. JJ settled down into the pillows then muttered, "You should too Em."

Emily made herself comfortable beside the media liaison and reached to turn off the light. The room went completely dark apart from the city lights outside the window that were strong enough to break through the thin hotel curtains. She felt JJ turn on her side away from her and so she turned on her side too, facing JJ's back. If she weren't so tired the smell of Jennifer's shampoo mixed with JJ's own fragrance invading her nostrils would have seriously turned her on, but right now, all she could think about was closing her eyes and falling to sleep. And soon both of them were fast asleep.

Emily Prentiss wasn't out to many people, not even her own mother and father. It was another part of Emily that she placed in a compartment, labelled with a capital G for gay. She wasn't ashamed of who she was, she just believed it was no one else's business who she was attracted too, that happened to be the female of the species. Of course being so private came with a price, it wasn't just the nerd in her that put women off dating her, her intense privacy always made them feel that Emily wasn't fully with them. They may have been sharing her bed, but so much of Emily was left untouched and very guarded. No one knew who Emily Prentiss was, she never gave herself to anyone completely. Then she met Jennifer JJ Jareau, and slowly she had begun getting to know her, opening up, little by little and tonight even more so. This wasn't common for Emily, sharing a bed with an attractive blonde who you were letting get close, letting get into your head, she was already creeping into your soul.

The noise of JJ waking with a shout of "Spencer!" woke Emily from her slumber. She sat up and turned to JJ immediately, "JJ are you okay?" her eyes were deep brown, sleepy and full of concern for the younger woman who was now sitting up in bed staring into nowhere, like she had been shocked awake. When the blonde didn't respond, Emily carefully placed her hand on Jennifer's shoulder and said quietly, "Jen... Jennifer..."

Slowly but surely the blonde turned her head to look at Emily's concerned face, she didn't know what to say, she was still going over the nightmare that had just invaded her sleep, she also felt a little embarrassed. Then seeing how upset Emily looked she spoke slowly, "I dreamt Reid had been killed by the dogs, that I got there too late... it was..." she shuddered at the memory, "Horrible."

Emily rubbed her friends shoulder gently, "Hey, it was just a dream, Reid's going to be okay, we caught the bad guy, even better he's dead." Emily frowned to herself.

JJ looked at Emily, "Could you.." she began to ask a little unsure if she was doing the right thing, "hold me?"

Emily without a word gently pulled JJ down with her into the bed, the blonde rested herself into Emily's warm body, her head resting in the crook of the brunettes shoulder. Emily felt herself comforted by JJ in such close contact, it felt nice, more than nice. Emily reminded herself that now wasn't the time for having such desires and put them back in place. She closed her eyes and tried to just enjoy the feeling of JJ in her arms. She was comforting her friend, that was all.

"Em" Jennifer Jareau's voice was so quiet that Emily nearly missed it, "Yeah." the brunette replied still holding JJ protectively to herself.

"Will I ever get used to this?" she sighed.

"To what?" Emily asked puzzled.

"What we do, what we see. The job."

Emily let out a breath, "If you did I would be worried."

JJ looked up at Emily, "I don't know if I am strong enough to do it."

Emily looked to JJ, "You are stronger than you think Jay."

JJ looked away, Emily's eyes were starting to make her weaker than she already was, breaking the contact was probably wise, "I'm not so sure."

Emily rubbed JJ's arm in understanding, "It's taken me a long time to get to this point JJ... I haven't always been so good at coping with what we do and see... at compartmentalizing..." she paused for thought, wondering if she was ready to open up to the younger agent, "And to be honest with you, all this violence, how sick some people become, it really gets to me too. I just try not to think to long and hard about it, otherwise it starts to overwhelm you and you cant do your job. That's why I decided the best way to cope was not to think, to put it away in a little box and take each problem at a time."

"Your right," JJ replied with a sigh, "I just need to learn how to do that too. And I do love my job, besides someone has got to do it. There's always going to be someone else who needs our help. And that is what I love, that we do help people in the end."

"Absolutely." Emily replied.

The couple relaxed more into each other and before long Emily could tell that the blonde was finally sleeping again. She shuffled carefully from under her and as she did JJ turned around sleepily and hugged her pillow to herself. Emily turned to face the sleeping JJ and rested her right hand across Jennifer's waist protectively before falling into a deep much needed sleep herself.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the reviews! Keep them coming, glad your enjoying it. Heres part 3.**

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><p>Emily was the first to wake the next morning. She found herself with her back to Jennifer, so she turned around to watch her sleeping and couldn't help the smile that formed on her face. The blonde was so beautiful, and right now, so peaceful. Emily felt a little wrong for looking at her, especially as her feelings for JJ were all over the place, but she couldn't stop, there was something about JJ, some kind of magnetic force drawing her in. She was so lost in her thoughts that she hardly noticed the blondes eyes flutter open and gaze back at her.<p>

"Hi..." JJ smiled sleepily.

Emily slightly flustered at being caught in the act of staring at JJ nervously smiled back, "Hi."

So when Jennifer moved closer to her, her lips mere inches from her own and smiled a sweet, "Hello." Emily almost had a heart attack.

The blonde closed her eyes and breathed in the sweet scent of Emily Prentiss and could no longer resist her, she didn't care if she was rejected, she had to know what the profilers lips tasted like.

"Jay..." Emily said softly into the blondes caressing lips. Her heart was racing a million times an hour, her mind was completely blown, and so when JJ pulled her in for a longer kiss she melted into it, like chocolate over strawberries, it was delicious.

When they eventually parted lips, they gazed into each others eyes, amazement, wonderment, awe, reflected back in both.

JJ smiled and so Emily did too. "I don't think you know how long I have wanted to kiss you." Jennifer eventually spoke.

Emily raised her eyebrow in surprise, "Well, as were confessing... I have wanted to do that since the first day I saw you."

JJ touched her nose against Emily's before drawing her lips across the brunettes tenderly. Emily felt the heat rush downwards at the tender exploration of her lips. She pushed her tongue through the blondes soft lips, they parted for her and then devoured her tongue with JJs own. Breathlessly they kissed, parted, kissed again, as hands roamed. Emily's hands were in Jennifer golden hair, pulling her closer. Jennifer's hand was at the base of Emily's neck, while the other started to explore the curves of the brunettes hip. Both were incredibly aroused and knew if they didn't stop now they never would be able too. But neither had the willpower to stop, and neither wanted too. They both had wanted this moment for so long that nothing else seemed to matter. They were lost in each other.

And without any more words their passionate kisses turned to more and they made love to each other with everything they had stored up for so long, all those months of wanting each other, all the teasing looks and touches, everything came to the fore as they gently and tenderly explored each other, inch by inch. Lovingly caressing, teasing, playfully nipping, finally bringing each other to the most mind blowing orgasm either had ever had.

Afterwards Jennifer lay in Emily's arms, both glowing from their lovemaking. And right at that moment, Jennifer couldn't remember ever feeling so relaxed, so loved and so comforted. She smiled into her lovers neck and closed her eyes. They had a few hours before the Jet flew back to DC. Emily set the alarm on her watch and closed her eyes, content, blissfully happy but aware that they had now both crossed a line.

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><p><strong>Two Hours Later...<strong>

JJ poured two coffee's and walked back to her seat beside Emily on the plane. With a small smile she handed the steaming mug of coffee to her new lover and sat down beside her.

"Thanks." Emily smiled back taking the hot coffee in her hands and taking a sip, then she placed the mug down and looked to JJ, "You okay?"

"More than okay," JJ winked.

Emily nervously looked around to make sure no one could see them interacting. "We need to talk when we get back." she told the younger agent quietly.

JJ's smile dropped, "Are you okay?" she frowned, worried that Emily was having second thoughts.

Emily could see the concern written all over Jennifer face and needed to put her mind at rest so she smiled back at her and patted her on the knee with her hand to reassure her, "I'm fine."

JJ let out a sigh, this was huge, she knew that. To start a love affair with someone on your team went against the rules, but love didn't have any rules and it had hit them both hard and fast.

"Your place or mine?" JJ asked innocently.

Emily smiled, "Mine its closer. Bring your bag."

JJ shyly smiled and sipped her coffee. Then she noticed that Spencer was staring out of the planes window and felt the guilt rise again. Her smile faded as she thought about what her colleague must be going through, she suddenly felt tense, like a weight had been placed on her shoulders. Emily immediately noticed the change in JJ, "Hey, you need to stop that." she told the blonde.

JJ looked at Emily in surprise, "What?"

"Feeling guilty, it wasn't your fault." Emily told her with feeling.

"How did you?" JJ trailed off, "Never mind, silly question."

Emily took JJ's hand in her own, "This is the kind of life we all signed up for, we all know the risks."

"I know," Jennifer sighed, "It's just hard, you know. It's Spence."

Emily just nodded and let go of Jennifer's hand. She knew that nothing more could be said, Jennifer would be feeling bad about this for some time. She would just be there for her and try to reason with her when she blamed herself. That was all she could do. She rested back and finished her coffee.

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><p>When they reached DC JJ followed Emily's car to her apartment in the city. Once they both reached their destination they both got out of their cars and met at the front doors of the apartment block. Emily noticed Jennifer had her go bag with her and was relieved. She wasn't sure why, she just didn't want JJ to be alone right now.<p>

They stepped into Emily's apartment together and JJ looked to Emily as she closed the door behind them.

"I'm sorry." The words were quiet but sincere.

Emily moved towards JJ and let her hand gently rest on the blondes cheek, "You have nothing to be sorry for, its been tough."

JJ let herself feel the brunettes gentle touch, she felt the butterflies once more and the feeling of elation that Emily provoked within her. She dropped her go bag to the floor and let herself be drawn in once more to the profilers lips. Their kiss was gentle, tender with the promise of more to come later, but for now, they needed to talk.

They moved apart, took off their coats and then Emily reached for Jennifer's hand and led the way to her living room. "Take a seat," Emily told her, as she let go of the blondes hand, "I'll go get us some glasses and bottle of wine."

"Good idea." JJ smiled and made her way to the couch. She sat down and admired her surroundings, she had never been in Emily's apartment before, it was impressive. Very tidy she noted too, unlike her own place. There were various paintings adorning walls, flowers placed decoratively in pots. Lots of comfy pillows on the couch and chairs. A big screen TV on the wall, masses of books on a shelf along one wall and a shelf with CDs. Everything had its place, nothing looked cluttered, it was very orderly. A sign of a neat freak, JJ smiled to herself as Emily returned with a bottle and two glasses.

"What's the smile for?" Emily asked.

"Oh nothing." JJ replied.

"Nothing?" Emily laughed and walked over to the couch, placed down the glasses and the bottle and sat beside JJ. "Yeah right."

JJ laughed, "Your place is really..."

"Neat?" Emily added before JJ could say it.

"Yeah." JJ laughed, "I feel inadequate, my place is chaotic."

Emily opened the wine and poured two glasses of red. "Here." she handed it to JJ, "I have been saving this bottle for a special occasion."

JJ took the glass and looked at the bottle sitting on the table with curiosity, "How much did this cost you?"

"Nothing, it was a gift of a friend of my mother's for my birthday, it probably cost him a small fortune." Emily replied and raised her glass to JJ, "What shall we drink to?"

JJ's eyes glistened brightly back at Emily, "Us I guess."

They clinked glasses and both sipped the red liquid at the same time. Then they both looked at each other as they placed their glasses down on the coffee table.

"So, what about us?" JJ asked a little nervously. She had fallen for Emily a long time ago and if what they had was over before it even started she couldn't bare it.

"We kinda, jumped into the fire last night." Emily replied with a slight frown.

"Do you regret it?" JJ asked scared of what the profiler would say next.

Emily looked to JJ's deep blue eyes, the woman was completely gorgeous and she couldn't possibly deny her feelings, no matter what it meant for them both, "Of course I don't!" Emily paused and then asked, "Do you?"

"Hell no!" JJ replied quickly.

Emily laughed and let out a breath, "Well that's all right then."

"This is kind of hard though I must admit." JJ replied.

"And its only going to get harder. We have to tell Hotch." Emily added deep in thought now, thinking about the repercussions of their actions.

JJ nodded, "I know." Then she looked to Emily's deep brown eyes, "But I wouldn't change a thing. I've never felt this strongly about anyone before Em."

"Me neither," Emily admitted, "So, let's give this a go." she said finally, determined.

JJ smiled, "I'm in."

Emily moved closer to Jennifer on the couch, "Me too, one hundred and twenty percent."

JJ felt Emily's breath against her lips as she spoke. Their eyes closed as their lips parted in a long deep kiss mixed with passion and wine. This was the start of something special but they both knew that it wasn't going to be all plain sailing. But right now they didn't care. All that mattered was they had admitted they had feelings for one another, and they were going to explore that further. They parted once more and Emily stood and reached for her glass and the bottle, "Lets finish this in the bedroom." she said with a wink.


End file.
